Blessed Are The Pure in Heart
John Bosio
During workshops for married couples I often ask: “How do you feel God’s presence in your relationship?” This question leaves many puzzled. So, I help them by saying: “What feelings or actions in your relationship make you think of God?” Many respond: “I think of God when I am scared.” “When I am in pain.” Some say: “When I am happy.” “When I see my children playing happily, or when they are sick.”
I remember in particular the answer of a young couple I met several years ago. Lynn and Matt had been married one year. Watching them together there was not doubt that they were in love. They were very physical and demonstrative of their affection. When I asked them to share what feelings and actions in their relationship made them think of God, Matt looked at Lynn as if to seek reassurance, then hesitantly and with a nervous smile, said: “What makes me think of God is how I feel when I am close to Lynn, like right now.” He was sitting close to her and holding her hand. “Lynn’s physical presence, her touch, her beauty and her interest in me make me feel complete. When I feel like this I thank God for the gift that she is to me.” Lynn, who had been looking at Matt with an admiring gaze, chimed in: “I feel the same way. When Matt touches me, and caresses me, or helps me I feel cared for and loved. Those feelings are so good that they make me thank God for him. This is especially true when we make love. My whole self feels bathed in love and I feel a deep sense of gratitude.” She stopped, and with a bashful smile said: “Well…this is getting too personal…but you know what I mean.”
“Blessed are the pure in heart for they shall see God.”(Mt 5:8) Matt and Lynn could see God through their interactions because in faith they understood that each was God’s gift to the other, and they treated each other as such.
Are there moments and feelings in your relationship that make you think of God? What are they? Do you remember how you felt when you first fell in love with your spouse? Do you realize that the goodness and love you cherish in your spouse is a gift from God? It is a gift through which you can see glimpses of His goodness and love.
The adventure of falling in love is driven by the desire to know the gift that our beloved is. The dance of lovers consists of giving and receiving, the movements of self-disclosure. With each step of this dance we share more of the person that we are, and each act of self-revelation increases the intimacy and strengthens the relationship. This journey we call love is exhilarating to the extent that the sharing is done with a pure heart. Love is founded on purity of heart; it is founded on giving with honesty and transparency. When it is such, love becomes the window through which we can see God, as Matt and Lynn could. Benedict XVI writes: “the organ for seeing God is the heart.” (Jesus of Nazareth, p.92 ).
Jesus’ blessing in this beatitude is an invitation to be pure in our intentions with one another. This beatitude raises a special challenge for every married couple. Its message is: be open, honest and transparent so that your spouse can see the image of God in you. Honesty and transparency are difficult especially in marriage because they expose our differences. When we are honest we become aware that our spouse has different feelings, opinions, ideas, wishes, needs, preferences, and expectations, a fact that can create conflicts or make us vulnerable to criticism. Often, it is easier to hide what makes us unique and different for the sake of peaceful coexistence. Unfortunately, with time, this avoidance of truth can become a habit. We may hide feelings and thoughts, say things we do not mean, keep quiet when we should speak, pretend to agree when we don’t, out and out lie, and the list is long. One example: according to various surveys nearly one third of married adults admit having been dishonest with their spouse about spending habits. This path of deception leads spouses away from each other rather than growing in love.
You too may have developed habits that shield you from treating your spouse as a gift. These behaviors are detrimental to your marriage. Changing them will increase your purity of heart and you will enjoy being in each other’s company.
At Baptism you received the gift of “understanding” one of the seven gifts of the Holy Spirit. To grow in purity of heart ask the Holy Spirit help you understand the truth about this beatitude. Ask for the strength and the courage to always be truthful, honest and transparent with your spouse. The Catechism of the Catholic Church teaches us that God never refuses the graces that spouses need: “To heal the wounds of sin, man and woman need the help of grace that God never refuses them. Without his help man and woman cannot achieve the union in their lives for which God created them.” #1608
The fruits of a pure heart are the joys of marital intimacy. These joys are a taste of heaven, an invitation to remember that God is the source of all gifts. This was the experience described to me by Matt and Lynn.
Question for reflection: Reflect on your daily interactions with your spouse. How much of what you think or feel do you keep from your spouse? Are there activities you hide? Are there secrets you keep from your spouse? Do you experience joy in your intimate moments with your spouse? Are you able, in these moments of joy, to thank God for the gift that your spouse is to you?
Bosio © 2008 This article was published in the Tennessee Register on December 12, 2008.
John Bosio is a parishioner of St. Stephen Catholic Community in Old Hickory Tennessee. He is a global human resources
manager for Caterpillar Financial Services Corp. and an adjunct professor at Aquinas College. He is the author of a newly released book: “Happy Together: The Catholic Blueprint for a Loving Marriage." He can be reached at (615) 884-9287.