Blessed are the poor in spirit
by John Bosio
The young couple sitting in my office had made an appointment to talk about their relationship because, said Mary on the phone: “It seems that each day we drift further apart.” They had been married eighteen months.
After listening to their litany of daily skirmishes over money, house chores, sex, in laws and conflicts of schedules, I asked them to put aside all their hurt and angry feelings, to close their eyes, and to recall a good moment in their relationship. To help them, I asked: “Do you remember the first time you kissed. How did you feel?”
After a long silence Joe opened his eyes and reached out to grab Mary’s hand. They looked at each other and they smiled. I said, “From your looks and gestures I gather there is a story here. Can you share it with me?”
Mary said bashfully: “Joe and I were very good friends for over a year before we started dating. I’m not sure why, but we dated for several months before we kissed for the first time. I still remember that moment very vividly. One evening, after a date, we were sitting in Joe’s car in the driveway of my parent’s home. We were talking and listening to music. At one point Joe turned to me and slowly, almost hesitantly, kissed me and said, ‘I love you.’
My mind was flooded with emotions. I knew at that moment that our relationship had changed and I was scared. I felt that this kiss was a turning point in my life. I explained: ‘I am very happy but I am also a little scared. He smiled, then he said: ‘I understand. I feel the same way.’
After a few moments of silence he added, ‘Do you want to pray?’ No guy had ever suggested prayer on a date. But, prayer at that moment was also what I wanted. I needed God’s help. So we said the ‘Our Father’ together.”
In the retelling and reliving of that wonderful moment Joe and Mary reconnected again and were able to look at their drifting relationship in a new way. They were reminded of each other’s good qualities that attracted them. They were also reminded of their need for God and of the power of prayer.
In the Gospel of Matthew Jesus reveals the roadmap to the joy of the Kingdom in the eight Beatitudes. The first among these proclaims: “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.” (Mat. 5:3) With this statement Jesus exhorts us to acknowledge our inherent poverty.
St. Paul wrote; “What do you possess that you have not received?” (1 Cor. 4:7). Embracing the attitude of poverty in spirit preached by Jesus means accepting our human limitations and our total dependence on God. Such total deference is the essence of this beatitude and is achieve only with the help of the Holy Spirit. At Baptism Christians receive the spiritual gift of “Fear of the Lord.” Through this gift the Holy Spirit helps Christian n reverence, humility and respect toward God and one another.
In their first kiss Mary and Joe came face to face with the mystery of their relationship and their own limitation. Feeling overwhelmed with joy and at the same time scared they reached out beyond themselves to God. Prayer, which is an expression of “Fear of the Lord” is both a sign of poverty in spirit and a means to grow in it. Prayer is the fundamental tool to bring unity into the marriage.
Benedict XVI writes in his recent encyclical on Hope (Spe Salvi): “When we pray properly we undergo a process of inner purification which opens us up to God and thus to our fellow human beings as well.”#33.
Reverence towards God, expressed in prayer, opens the door to respect between husband and wife. Mutual respect is one of the prerequisites for growth and collaboration in a marriage.
Years later I met again Joe and Mary. They had two beautiful girls with them. I asked if they remembered our first meeting in my office. They nodded and smiled. Then, Joe said, in reference to the story of their first kiss: “That first kiss marked not only the start of our relationship but also the beginning of a family tradition. Throughout our marriage, whenever one of us is scared or concerned about something or wants to celebrate a special event, we approach the other with the question ‘Do you want to pray?’ This usually happens late in the evening, when we are in bed, just before we fall asleep. There have been times when we have invited the girls to join us. And so, we all crowd on our bed for an intimate moment of prayer.”
Question for reflection: Do you agree with St. Paul that everything you possess has been given to you? List situations in your life that remind you that you are “poor in spirit,” and in need of God’s help. How easy is it for to turn to God and to your spouse for help? Do you remember your first kiss with your spouse and how you felt?
Bosio © 2008 This article was published in the Tennessee Register on July 25, 2008
John Bosio is a parishioner of St. Stephen Catholic Community in Old Hickory,Tennessee. He is a global human resources manager for Caterpillar Financial Services Corp. and an adjunct professor at Aquinas College. He is the author of a newly released book: “Happy Together: The Catholic Blueprint for a Loving Marriage.”