Blessed Are The Merciful
John Bosio
“I am sorry that it took me so long,” said Teri, my wife, as she walked in the kitchen holding a grocery bag. “I stopped at the store for a few groceries and ran into Eileen, a friend from church. Her daughter just got married. She told me that she worked so hard to prepare for the wedding that she was exhausted. After the wedding, when all the celebrations were finished and they had dropped off their last houseguests at the airport, she and Jim, her husband, went home with the intention of cleaning the house. Jim surprised her when he said: 'You have an hour to pack. You worked hard preparing for this wedding. You deserve a break! Pack a few things and let’s get away. The laundry and the house will be here when we return.'”
Teri continued, as she was putting the groceries away: “Eileen said that this was the best thing Jim could have done for her. They went to Gatlinburg, in the Smoky Mountains, and she slept for a whole day to catch up.”
Teri concluded: “Wasn’t that nice of Jim?”
Yes, what Jim did for Eileen was very nice. He showed mercy toward his wife. She needed rest and he understood that she would not recuperate if she were at home. Jim felt compassion and provided the right opportunity.
“Blessed are the merciful, for they shall obtain mercy.” (Matt 5:6) Being merciful as Jesus asks us to be means showing compassion, it means being aware of our spouse’s needs and reaching out to help our spouse meet those needs. Being merciful means helping our spouse carry his/her burdens. It also means being tolerant and patient with one’s spouse’s limitations. Being merciful sometimes means praising and affirming one’s spouses’ achievements and good qualities. Love is expressed in works of mercy not only toward one’s neighbors but first and foremost toward one’s spouse: comforting, consoling, forgiving, bearing wrongs patiently, advising, etc.
It is so easy in our busy daily lives to be unmerciful toward each other, especially our spouse. We are often so focused on getting things done that we act impatiently, we criticize, use sarcasm, and worst of all we ignore what our spouse is telling us, or what he/she needs.
Gifts of mercy like the one Jim gave Eileen do wonders for a marriage. They build up the reservoir of good feelings from which both spouses can benefits. These acts contribute to creating a positive balance in a couple’s “Love Bank” writes Dr. Willard Harley, Jr., author of His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair-proof Marriage. According to him everything that one spouse does affects the other positively or negatively. Each interaction is either a deposit or a withdrawal from the love bank account that each spouse holds with the other. Each interaction is a transaction that adds or subtracts for the account. As long as each spouse’s personal Love Bank account balance remains above a certain threshold the relationship grows.
Living the works of mercy in the marital relationship and in the family is a wonderful way to teach the children what love is about. When children and friends witness the love of husband and wife expressed in their acts of caring for each other they are encouraged to do the same. It is by witnessing and experiencing love that we feel the courage to love. Pope Benedict XVI wrote in his encyclical on love: “Love grows through love.”
Being merciful is not something that comes naturally in the daily rush of our busy lives. In the Sermon on the Mount Jesus invites us to holiness, and holiness is not something we can achieve on our own. We are the wounded children of Adam and Eve. We need God’s grace to make up for our deficiencies. To help us, Christ gave us his Spirit. The Holy Spirit is constantly guiding our life with the gift of “Counsel,” one of his seven gifts. However, to benefit from his wise counsel we must be disposed to hearing it. This is possible through faith. When we believe that God is near us, and is guiding us we have the ability to hear his advice. That is what Jim did when he saw Eileen tired and ready to clean up the house after the wedding party. He felt compassion coming from deep in his heart. He listened to the Holy Spirit’s good counsel. “I must do something to ease her burden,” he thought to himself. “You deserve a break! Let’s pack up a few things and let’s get away,” he said to her. These words worked magic on that occasion.
You too have the words that can lift your spouse’s spirit. Pay attention to your mate’s needs, observe the stress on your spouse’s face, listen to the pain or frustration in his/her voice, stay in touch with your feelings, and hear the Holy Spirit’s good counsel coming from deep inside your heart.
Question for reflection: Recall a time when you recognized your spouse’s needs and reached out to help. Recall a time when your spouse showed mercy toward you. How did you feel on each of these occasions?
Bosio © 2008 This article was published in the Tennessee Register in November, 2008.
John Bosio is a parishioner of St. Stephen Catholic Community in Old Hickory, Tennessee. He is a global human resources manager for Caterpillar Financial Services Corp. and an adjunct professor at Aquinas College. He is the author of a newly released book: “Happy Together: The Catholic Blueprint for a Loving Marriage.”