Happy Together
The Catholic Blueprint for a Loving Marriage
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SIX DATES
for Catholic Couples
A marriage enrichment program for parishes
DATE 4:
WHAT ABOUT ME?
Date 4 asks couples:
What are your recurring conflicts?
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How do you handle your recurring conflicts?
CONFLICTS
A challenge all couples face in making decisions is the presence of conflicts created by the natural differences that exist between spouses. Conflicts are part of our daily life in marriage.
The presence of conflicts is not a sign of a marriage in trouble.
It is a sign that spouses care, and it is an opportunity for growth. What affects the relationship is not the number of conflicts but how spouses manage them
.
John Gottman the author of
The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work
, reports that 69% of problems are never resolved even among healthy couples. All couples have problems that keep on recurring because of differences in points of view, tastes, preferences, and habits. Successful couples take these conflicts in stride. Sometimes they use humor to diffuse the tension; they compromise; or they agree to disagree and accommodate each other.
Learning conflict resolution skills is very valuable for all couples. However, regardless of the skills learned we still have to contend with the voice inside us that screams: “What about me?” If either one of the spouses chooses to follow that voice the couple ends up hurting.
For those who believe, God’s grace helps them to overcome the lure of “what about me?” We learn from our Catholic faith that God in his immense love for humanity sent his son, Jesus to heal the damage done by the selfish act of Adam and Eve. He replaced selfishness with self-giving love, and in his death and resurrection earned God’s graces to make up for our weaknesses.
In the sacrament of Matrimony God gives the spouses the graces they need to overcome the pull of selfishness. All we need to do as ask for God’s help, and be willing to follow his guidance.